STORYTIME.
Got this from the hubby.. It’s actually pasalubong from our colleague Matet Bucu for their team. When I first saw the packaging I was just stuck. My auntie recently passed due to cancer I’m not one to use social media with words to express my inner sentiments, but I guess free the panic attacks and nervous breakdowns, gut/chest issues due to stress and blood pressure, I guess I’m ready to talk about it.
Last year my mother underwent chemotherapy. It was tough, and it still is. She has recovered a couple of months now but is still under hormone therapy. She’s got her hair back and just when I thought we could all breathe easy, early this year my brother was diagnosed with cancer, as well.
I have lay-low on getting/thinking/stressing/talking about the details on this one because it has affected me physically in health. Much as I hate to make this sound like it’s about me, it’s just worth mentioning I went through the emergency thrice. Had no idea what it’s really about but the current verdict was stress. Tests turned out okay but I’m still gonna go through a few more times in the lab and with the doc(s).
The past few months and even more so, now… I feel as if there’s something looming over my family. Nightmares upon nightmares, and even constantly overthinking/daydreaming about all possible scenarios. Most of which I couldn’t accept especially earlier on.
Hasbunallah wa ni’mal wakeel. Ni’mal maula wa ni’man naseer.
Alhamdulillah, Ramadhan has helped me through recollection and even health-wise. Now that is past the half of the holy month, that fear is slowly rapping… tapping… Yet again, on my door. I fear that this would rob me off my sanity.
Looking at this watch, and pondering a few times gave a sense of relief. At first I couldn’t point it out. I had to go to their Instagram account and read the posts and stories. Their mission/vision, goals, what they have achieved… The lives they saved so far. There’s a pure bittersweet moment every time I think about it.
I have worked since college for roughly more than 15yrs and less than 20yrs. I have almost always been in control of at least personal stuff, I have followed leaders and been one a few too many times, and I shared beautiful moments in a classroom where I, both taught (students) and learned (from students) at the same time.
This current predicament I’m in, I have no such control.
In fact, I had to watch helplessly and break my heart over and over again about it.
Something like how the plight of Palestine is also breaking my heart.
I could no longer say, “Keep Calm and let Farah handle it.”
A little meme I used to put on my work team group(s) and get teased about or even hated for. People don’t understand that those words are more for me, than what/who they’re meant for.
Right now, I couldn’t even tell myself that.
I mean I tried, but my reality as a stay-at-home mom, hits hard at these moments.
Back to the watch, as I pondered, weak and weary. I guess, it made me feel happy. And because it’s not really for me, I don’t know how to go about telling this to the person who gave it (not one, but a bunch to her colleagues). I know there are a few organisations doing similar things. I’m glad they all exist. Not only because of what they do, but it gives opportunity for others to have a hand in helping others.
Directly or indirectly. Whether they are affected by the cause themselves or not.
Whenever I wear it, I feel a little ounce of hope that even when I couldn’t really be with my mom and brother right now, and have little to give — there exists organisations who do this for cancer patients like them, and most importantly there are people who buy these watches to fuel and empower what they do.
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